My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
