i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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