Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
