did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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