my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
40s are totally the cure
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
