I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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