I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
