he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
