You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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