I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
