and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
