Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
