I didn't shave. On purpose
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
