Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
