Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
