I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You ate ashes out of my bong
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
