I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
