So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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