Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize