we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
