My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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