I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
