FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
