i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
