did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
