Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
