I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
