CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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