If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
