So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize