Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
They have beer where we have blood.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
