We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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