if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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