I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
