Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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