he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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