New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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