I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
