I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
