Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize