new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
this boner is exhausting
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
