let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm getting married
To pizza
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
