At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
