I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Randomize
