Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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