Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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