This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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