Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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