Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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