you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
