I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
