You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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