i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
