hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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