Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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