Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Operation Purity has been aborted
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
