ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Randomize
