my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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