Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
