From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
