YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
