life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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