I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize