i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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