I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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