I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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