you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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