WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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