i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
