so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
