I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
