i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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