can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
